My Master and I -Boredom

December 24, 2009

“Pasted from Paulo’s blog which I found very spell-binding…”

by Paulo Coelho

(these notes were written in August 1986)

We are sitting in a garden in a French town.
– Deep down, people complain, but they love routines – I said.
– Of course, and the reason is very simple: routines give them the false sensation of being safe. Thus, today will be exactly like yesterday, and tomorrow will bring no surprises. When night falls, part of the soul complains that nothing different was experienced, but another part is content – paradoxically, it is for the same reason.
“Evidently this safety is completely false; no one can control anything, and a change always appears at the moment one least expects it, taking us surprise and with no chance to react or fight.

– If we are free to decide that we want a uniform life, why does God force us to change it?
– What is reality? It is that which we imagine it to be. If many people “think” that the world is like this or like that, everything around us crystallizes, and nothing changes for some time. However, life is a constant evolution – social, political, spiritual, on whatever level it may be. In order for things to evolve, it is necessary for people to change. As we are all interlinked, sometimes destiny gives those hindering evolution a push.

– Generally in a tragic way…
– Tragedy depends on the way you see it. If you chose to be a victim of the world, anything which happens to you will feed that dark side of your soul, where you consider yourself wronged, suffering, guilty and deserving punishment. If you choose to be an adventurer, the changes – even the inevitable losses, since everything in this world changes – can cause some pain, but will soon thrust you forward, forcing you to react.
“In many oral traditions, wisdom is represented by a temple, with two columns at its entrance: these two columns always have names of opposite things, but in order to illustrate what I mean, we will call one Fear and the other Desire. When a man stands at this entrance, he looks at the column of Fear and thinks: “my God, what will I find further ahead?” Then he looks at the column of Desire and thinks: “my God, I’m so accustomed to that which I have, I wish to continue living as I have always lived.” And he remains still; this is what we call tedium.

– Tedium is…
– Movement which ceases. Instinctively, we know we are wrong, and we revolt. We complain to our husbands, wives, children, neighbors. But, on the other hand, we know that tedium and routine are safe havens.

– Can a person remain his whole life in this situation?
– He can be pushed by life, but resist and remain there, always complaining – and his suffering will be useless, will teach him nothing.
“Yes, a person can stand for the rest of his days facing one of the many doors he should go through, but he must understand that he has only truly lived up to that point. He may continue to breathe, walk, sleep and eat – but with less and less pleasure, because he is already spiritually dead and does not know it.
“Until one day when, as well as his spiritual death, physical death appears; at that moment God will ask: “what did you do with your life?” We must all answer this question, and woe betide those who answer: “I remained standing at the door.”

Water

December 18, 2009

Water … I played  in the water, albeit not a good swimmer..

I lay my head and stretched my arms  on the side pool, gazing at the grey sky whilst  paddling the water.. ..

Serenity soaked into my veins…The first one was perceived when I was fourteen… and in those years I hardly achieve this peaceful mind in water..but today I feel it again.. and my heart was whoozed..

In other minutes I turned my body.. and with my goggles I looked beneath to the pool floor  … I let go my arms and had my body relaxed by water, being motionless, my body was slowly dragged away farther..as if I were dead….

JUSTICE’S SERVED

December 2, 2009

“It’s good to see that Justice has done the job itself..”

So …guess not only me who’s relieved myself  after almost six months.. sum other one must have been feeling the same even though the air of freedom has only been a day so far for this person..Used to detest the this bloke’s style…but thinks now this figure already feels the tenseness that we felt..

And in where I am  now..the God of Justice also spins.. one who’s caused sum kind of chaos is no longer here anymore.. hope this person turns over a new leaf ..a chance in other place with a reformed odour..with good deeds preferrably.

Bad ones gone..good ones come… and we are so blessed.

Self Journey

November 22, 2009

“This might happen if..”

Where am I?

I’m not in my hometown anymore.. because my hometown provides me little.. and day by day..the society here acts as my mirror..but alas…they’re resonating my gloomy reflection deafeningly more than my cheerful shadow..

So off I go.. Call it an escape..I did nothing wrong though.. Just being here doesn’t help me raking my deepest identity.. I sought here but it’s vain ..then I seek it at some other place..

Do you think being an elderly means you have come across  your most  coveted self-image? Wrong! Age is not the guarantee for maturity or self-discovery. Some found it early..others took some time. I hope my self search ain’t that late.

Being victorious and point a big V when I successfully achieve mine, I feel my gratification within while others aren’t indispensable to feel mine..because it’s not obligatory for people  to assure you how fortunate you are. It’s your  own job to do so, I suppose?

I just want to be happy … in my way..God grants.

Hole

November 22, 2009

Please scrape the cement, moist it and fill it to the dent..

Perfect it..

Good product with achilles’ heel don’t stuff the cavity..

Dentist..just grant me the best product that exactly fits the hole..

Silver Line For 30s

November 22, 2009

 

‘depiction’

It’s a bit bizarre…watching you younger ones walk on the aisle..heading with your spouse to the altar .. having to witness the pronouncement of your vow.. isn’t it just peculiar?

Whilst me.. standing on my own feet.. self-governing  my autonomy. No hands to cuddle my spoiled mode, fingers to wipe my tears, partner to share  exhilaration.  I console myself  marriage isn’t passport to happiness because ironically, some turn less happier post-marriage…so why do I feel aloof? It’s just a romance that I need..

The neighbors are occupied with house-hold activities and family Sunday-outs. I have buried the desparation and lonesomeness having no candidate to opt.. I keep trotting. However,  my meal tickets have made a me self-reliant and secure lad.

I believe there is one out there…waiting for me..

A cliche story of Money

November 9, 2009

In my workplace..there’s a nice guy of age of 50 …senior worker ..and i dun think he’s a wolf dressed as sheep.

well .yes or no…watever..but he said sth that’s quite notable..”Hmm..tale spinner..how nice if we were born in families with silver spoon in the tongue…can do watever business we want..”

I laughed..”Oh..c’mon..Pak (Sir)…isn’t this wish too outdated to come out from the mouth of a 50-year-old?”

But when he was younger..he was quite hardworking too, so he told me…did insurance jobs…went to the court as law graduate to help people dealing with documents and get commission from it..worked until night..it’s when he’s 40s that he retires from all extra job taking.

I asked him, “So…given capital..what business do you want to do?”

“Raising cattles..”, he said.., “But after research..the capital has to be bigger.”

Not bad I thought. At least he’s been very hardworking before…Although he told me his pocket is  a bit tightened for a budget of a10 million rupiah notebook for his son at college, but he’s worked really hard whilst younger.

I read from the religious preach..well..actually i already knew..but it’s resonating again.. everybody wants to be sucessful..but not all successful people are happy.. only successful people who praise the name of Lord and lead a meaningful life are happy..This is true..

And I also ever learnt..that..it’s better to be unhappy yet  rich than unhappy but poor. This is also true..cliche..money can’t buy everything but everything needs money.

i kinda admire his been working hard however.. and his story is worth to be thought for awhile..

It’s A Decade Baby!

November 9, 2009

“hey mambo…mambo italiano ~ bette midler”

It’s been a decade – exactly ten years by this december of my teaching life!

I started to teach when I was 16. Due to economic problem , I chose to teach so I could have a pocket money of my own..I taught kindergarten level at the beginning in an english course.. That time I still didn’t know how to scold student..I only shooed my student nicely when they made noise..

When I was in senior high three in another english course … a female student was only two years younger and so we always meet at school when we’re still wearing the same grey skirt and a male is one year older..so they’re not afraid of me at all..I remembered too I liked to dress up that time cuz I was still too young and not bored with teaching yet. Several years later in a conversation class I met students , one of whom was a shy secret admirer of my eldest sis in their teenage years which she discussed about…LOL.

There are too many to mention actually if want to recall sum notable ones..

So blow me a ten candle would you?

What I learn about Friends

November 9, 2009

readers..u all have friends and u’ve learnt to pick up the flowers..sum smell nice ..some stinks..

What I learn from friendship is : sum friend might be the most critical ones..no sweet words..direct…and the words can be hard to digest..u take those which are really good advice for you and u think those friends are much worth it and than those who… have sweet mouths and always try to look like angels..but are horrendous liars .

I’m sure u all like friends who are not manipulative or user .. but friends who have a mutual give-and-take together…mutual respect.. and encouraging ones..not cause u a wreck.

Truthfully..I have many friends..or acquaintance u can say..but I am very choosy in selecting which one I should contact more often..and which ones are to be less approached.  Doesn’t mean we must have the same interest. I know sum dun like my fashion interest  and require more decency.. but we’re still friends. I also know who to find exactly when I need a trashy bitchy talk  and demeanor..when I can stand beside hims without the fear of people seeing me overdressed.i dun see myself as overdressed at the age of 26..if I think this color is too bright then I’ll pair up with a more neutral style or color.

I know who to find…religious friends..smart friends..intimidating friends..polite friends..impolite friends..those who like fun place..those who dun like fun place or even family karaoke at all.

Superficial friend is  only happy-go-lucky one and you know they’re not the right people to share ur problem with no matter how fun they are..because they are actually not mature yet..although I dun deny I like happy go lucky friends. Superficial friends  are the ones who quickly disappear  when u are sick or bankrupt. Family..is the safest option in hard times.

I dun really care about what people think of me when I talk too loud or tat if  i seem too close to a male friend  even if i oredi have bf cuz i see them more as my lil brothers. But u can’t always be urself.. due to this standard of society..although this ethics make u sick a bit and can’t make u splurge ur non elegance ..but I know yeah..I need to be more serious in manner…that’s why it’s not really fun as u step in to the next level of life..be a wife , a daughter in law..and mother.. Truthfully these three topics bore me but I can’t deny I’m going to be wife , daughter in law and mother..sooner or later.. But I’m sure my children will understand my loving Britney  or Madonna…but britney’s mothering skill is seriously a pain in the ass.

Funny though…friends with whom we suit s aren’t always suitable to others..so we understand ppl we detest, annoying ones do have friends.

Nothing lasts foreva…for me those Bff (best friend foreva) term and friends foreva are too cheesy for me.

Watever groups of friends..there will be those who part..sum survive sum not..there will be unnice part. but the survivors will still constantly keep in touch and they’re those we call our good old friends..

cAN i BE mYSELF..PLEASE?

November 8, 2009

I always want to be myself…. even though i dun do the wrong things..but why do sum ppl comment and suggest things for me to do that are rather not myself.?

and the worst thing is..while making suggestion..why didn’t the suggester face the mirror first?

sigh ~