Smash Into Pieces

I was reminded again to be really contemplative referring to my future. Am I already correct to continue this track, which already reveals the bitter pill? But bitter pills can be blessing in disguise.. although there has never been a promise of heaven.  Sometimes I think I’m standing on a thoroughly thin thread , on which I’d slip over if  tremor shuddered. Suddenly I’m thinking about my dream and my failing dream. Why did it fail? Because I wanted something that was beyond my control. If I hadn’t wished for expectation out of my grasp, I wouldn’t have been that frail. Since then I try to wipe it off, never dream anymore and  learn to be grateful for what I have today. Nevertheless,  sometimes it empowers me  and at dejected period, I long for that heaven. Luckily I am not a delusional person , thanks to my common sense where  I wavered that stupidity and ‘fake paradise’ .

Besides, possibly due to my reading wise sages’ philosophy, ” Everybody has a problem. If you want to find human beings without any single matter then go ahead to that corner of the street ~ and there the cemetery peacefully lies.” And thanks to God, the Bible pronounced, “Sometimes God would lead us through suffering to find the heaven road to God..”Yes bitter ones..but precisely accurate. Just say I’m entertaining myself..but there is  no other way to console that hole..

At this time my words also poured sentimentally yet the pulchritude of words pierced to every single broken heart..

Published in:  on February 2, 2010 at 10:31 pm Leave a Comment

temporary anxiety bout friendship

I can’t believe that someone who’s spilled all the dirty lil secrets and me as the confidential confidant, chose to act childishly, play cold with me after our closeness all these years..

This person chooses to stay unfaithful, rude, ungrateful, unwise, and blame God for the mess made by this creature…and worst of all… wants everybody around to be a DOLL..SOMEONE WHO CAN STAND ALL THE FAULTY CHARACTERS AND NOT GIVE ANY SINGLE ADVICE AT ALL…

I actually pray that this person will open the heart and alter..but of course it takes process not an instant period, so is the advice of a friend fr religious community. And then another religious sister told me we cudn’t change a person..only him / herself tat can do it…mY BF told me to drain my energy on my future rather than sighing why our friendship ends…which is the rightest advice.

I care for this person and also consider this person as the funnest one… that’s why I feel a loss . But in other way round,, I can’t just shut up and see the way how this person neglects and steps on people that love this creature . Not to mention the extreme stupid superficiality!!

SO BE IT IF TAT’S THE CHOICE.. The last time I dealt with a head ache was when I was dealing with a psycho man. Ironical..why is it in my life fun people are actually problematic and somehow bad??

Published in:  on at 2:10 pm Leave a Comment

So Alone…Yet so Pleased

Exuberant… gaiety cuddled my soul… as the light jazz melody intertwined in the air…

Breathing out… the scent of sweet classics protruded from the ventilation…

Keep still… as you would be fascinated and reluctant will you to walk away..

Cast my shadow in tranquility…treasuring this aloofness..

So alone..yet so pleased…

Published in:  on January 25, 2010 at 11:29 pm Leave a Comment

But i am just a dreamy elf

Yet…the weavings of fictive splendour will always captivate me…knowing that it will cease…it leaves me a relief as i’m facing a real life and leaving the stupidity behind…As fiction’s only born in ONE’s mind..never has it taken place…. Pandora that doesnt exist..you create pandora with the readily accessible flawed key…

Published in:  on January 21, 2010 at 12:44 am Leave a Comment

Imagination kills

imagination can b harmful too…destructive and catastrophic..only with busyness can we drive it away… Beware of ur imagination…cuz sumtimes it can kill..nt ur dreams..but ur common sense.

Published in:  on at 12:24 am Leave a Comment

Resolution

Hi..it’s been quite awhile..eh?? this is 2010 …2010!

My resolution for 2010 for my career is I would really love to do sth else…If it is possible I really feel like shifting my career from education into sth else..u know why? If u see the posting called My master and I- boredom the previous one..then u will understand. If God allows and blesses, I am certainly looking forward into sth else and if possible I want it to really work.. But of course I must stay realistic too .. so if it doesn’t , I will stay as a principal and english teacher . If it works,, Goodness Gracious.

Published in:  on January 2, 2010 at 5:02 pm Leave a Comment

My Master and I -Boredom

“Pasted from Paulo’s blog which I found very spell-binding…”

by Paulo Coelho

(these notes were written in August 1986)

We are sitting in a garden in a French town.
– Deep down, people complain, but they love routines – I said.
– Of course, and the reason is very simple: routines give them the false sensation of being safe. Thus, today will be exactly like yesterday, and tomorrow will bring no surprises. When night falls, part of the soul complains that nothing different was experienced, but another part is content – paradoxically, it is for the same reason.
“Evidently this safety is completely false; no one can control anything, and a change always appears at the moment one least expects it, taking us surprise and with no chance to react or fight.

– If we are free to decide that we want a uniform life, why does God force us to change it?
– What is reality? It is that which we imagine it to be. If many people “think” that the world is like this or like that, everything around us crystallizes, and nothing changes for some time. However, life is a constant evolution – social, political, spiritual, on whatever level it may be. In order for things to evolve, it is necessary for people to change. As we are all interlinked, sometimes destiny gives those hindering evolution a push.

– Generally in a tragic way…
– Tragedy depends on the way you see it. If you chose to be a victim of the world, anything which happens to you will feed that dark side of your soul, where you consider yourself wronged, suffering, guilty and deserving punishment. If you choose to be an adventurer, the changes – even the inevitable losses, since everything in this world changes – can cause some pain, but will soon thrust you forward, forcing you to react.
“In many oral traditions, wisdom is represented by a temple, with two columns at its entrance: these two columns always have names of opposite things, but in order to illustrate what I mean, we will call one Fear and the other Desire. When a man stands at this entrance, he looks at the column of Fear and thinks: “my God, what will I find further ahead?” Then he looks at the column of Desire and thinks: “my God, I’m so accustomed to that which I have, I wish to continue living as I have always lived.” And he remains still; this is what we call tedium.

– Tedium is…
– Movement which ceases. Instinctively, we know we are wrong, and we revolt. We complain to our husbands, wives, children, neighbors. But, on the other hand, we know that tedium and routine are safe havens.

– Can a person remain his whole life in this situation?
– He can be pushed by life, but resist and remain there, always complaining – and his suffering will be useless, will teach him nothing.
“Yes, a person can stand for the rest of his days facing one of the many doors he should go through, but he must understand that he has only truly lived up to that point. He may continue to breathe, walk, sleep and eat – but with less and less pleasure, because he is already spiritually dead and does not know it.
“Until one day when, as well as his spiritual death, physical death appears; at that moment God will ask: “what did you do with your life?” We must all answer this question, and woe betide those who answer: “I remained standing at the door.”

Published in:  on December 24, 2009 at 12:10 am Leave a Comment

Water

Water … I played  in the water, albeit not a good swimmer..

I lay my head and stretched my arms  on the side pool, gazing at the grey sky whilst  paddling the water.. ..

Serenity soaked into my veins…The first one was perceived when I was fourteen… and in those years I hardly achieve this peaceful mind in water..but today I feel it again.. and my heart was whoozed..

In other minutes I turned my body.. and with my goggles I looked beneath to the pool floor  … I let go my arms and had my body relaxed by water, being motionless, my body was slowly dragged away farther..as if I were dead….

Published in:  on December 18, 2009 at 10:43 pm Leave a Comment

JUSTICE’S SERVED

“It’s good to see that Justice has done the job itself..”

So …guess not only me who’s relieved myself  after almost six months.. sum other one must have been feeling the same even though the air of freedom has only been a day so far for this person..Used to detest the this bloke’s style…but thinks now this figure already feels the tenseness that we felt..

And in where I am  now..the God of Justice also spins.. one who’s caused sum kind of chaos is no longer here anymore.. hope this person turns over a new leaf ..a chance in other place with a reformed odour..with good deeds preferrably.

Bad ones gone..good ones come… and we are so blessed.

Published in:  on December 2, 2009 at 1:28 am Leave a Comment

Self Journey

“This might happen if..”

Where am I?

I’m not in my hometown anymore.. because my hometown provides me little.. and day by day..the society here acts as my mirror..but alas…they’re resonating my gloomy reflection deafeningly more than my cheerful shadow..

So off I go.. Call it an escape..I did nothing wrong though.. Just being here doesn’t help me raking my deepest identity.. I sought here but it’s vain ..then I seek it at some other place..

Do you think being an elderly means you have come across  your most  coveted self-image? Wrong! Age is not the guarantee for maturity or self-discovery. Some found it early..others took some time. I hope my self search ain’t that late.

Being victorious and point a big V when I successfully achieve mine, I feel my gratification within while others aren’t indispensable to feel mine..because it’s not obligatory for people  to assure you how fortunate you are. It’s your  own job to do so, I suppose?

I just want to be happy … in my way..God grants.

Published in:  on November 22, 2009 at 11:17 pm Leave a Comment